Coulter was resilient!
It may seem strange to say that about someone who took their own life. But paradoxically, it is true.
On one of our trips together to the TX Hill Country to work on a deer blind, we planned to be out 1 night and it was supposed to be in the 40s.
We were in cotton shirts and jeans, but had jackets, a tent, and 15-degree bags so I wasn't worried. But that was one of the most miserable nights I’ve ever spent outdoors. I jackhammered all night.
Coulter was laying right by me, so I tried to be as still and quiet as I could because he seemed to be sleeping soundly and I didn't want to wake him. The next morning, I mentioned how miserable I was, but I was glad he was warm enough.
It was only then that he told me he was freezing all night and didn’t sleep at all. I told him that he had to let me know when he was hurting so I could do something about it and help him. He replied that he figured if I was dealing with it, he could too.
I was 44. He was 11.
On other trips, we sat together in snow and -13 degree temps for days, waiting for Elk in the Tetons. We hiked over mountains, sometimes covering over 20 miles a day under heavy packs.
He could endure hard things; hard hikes; hard workouts; hard conditions; hard conversations. And the worse it got, the more we laughed together. Which explains why we were such awful hunters.
I thought that’s how we got through the pain; together.
I don’t understand how he could endure so much but succumb to a burden he believed he couldn't share with us. I wish he had understood that he never had to carry it alone.
That night we lay side by side, both freezing, both trying not to disturb the other, neither of us knowing how much the other was suffering.
Our Father never intended us to suffer or carry our burdens alone.
He calls us to love one another as He loves us. Sometimes that means having the courage to tell someone we're hurting. Other times it means being willing to stay, to listen, to help carry a weight we may not have known existed.
Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ Gal 6:2
If you are hurting, have the hard conversation. The world is better with you in it.
You Are Loved More Than You Know
#CoultersLight #movember #suicideawareness #suicideprevention
